Dinner at RoAnn Cook’s house is family time, but it also serves as practice for table manners and more.

Cook’s children, Brandon, 16, Mitchell, 14, and Ansley Grace, 7, are growing up with a special set of skills that Cook hopes will serve them well for the rest of their lives.

Brandon and Mitchell learned table manners and much more through Summerville Cotillion, taught by Lizz Akermann. Ansley Grace has taken Akermann’s protocol class for younger students.

“My boys both enjoyed it,” Cook says. “I had to make them go, but once they were there, they loved it. At the dinner table, they talk about things they learned in Junior Cotillion. They gained confidence, whether it’s speaking to an adult or dancing with a girl or speaking with people. My 16-year-old looks people in the eye when he speaks with them.”

The confidence and poise gained through learning the rules of etiquette and the mastery of social customs goes far beyond knowing which fork to use. And it’s critical for parents to give their children opportunities to learn those skills, according to Akermann, owner of Southern Protocol and the endorsed provider of services for Summerville Junior Cotillion. Akermann is also mom to Jack, 8, Charlie, 7, and Lola, 5.

“It’s so important,” Akermann says. “One of the biggest things is exposure. If you don’t sit down at the table and you are scared to take your kids out, that is a mistake. We aren’t raising them to be children. We are raising them to be adults. There is a certain polish to having good manners.”

Valid or not, throughout their lives children – and later, adults – will be assessed by potential employers, business associates and others on whether that polish shows through.

“Unfortunately, we are a snap judgment type of society,” Akermann says. “There are small things you can do to make a big difference – a handshake, eye contact, posture and of course, table manners.”

Akermann says parents can get the basics of etiquette through classes, cotillion programs or even through a visit to the library.

“There’s nothing better than the old-fashioned Emily Post,” she says.

Local hotels sometimes offer tea services that provide opportunities for children to practice what they have learned, something Akermann says is the key to making good manners second nature.

“It’s the way of life,” she says.

Cook says the knowledge her children have gained of how to behave in different circumstances helps them enter new situations with assurance.

“I truly believe it helps build confidence,” she says. “You teach manners at home, but when you have someone else (teach it) and they see their friends doing it, good habits build good habits.”

While the specifics of cotillion programs vary, they generally offer young people instruction in a variety of social graces.

Mary Kennerty directs the Mount Pleasant Junior Cotillion, a chapter of the National League of Junior Cotillions. She says the program teaches “courtesies that make life more pleasant for them and those around them.”

“Our program places emphasis on etiquette, manners, ethics and social dancing,” Kennerty says.

Encompassing social and character education, Kennerty’s program serves students in grades 4–8. The program runs September – March, with monthly meetings and special events such as balls and dinners. Kennerty says cotillion students should remain in the program for three years.

“It’s not a one year fix,” she says. “We probably cover over 100 social skills in the three-year program.”

For details, contact Kennerty at director@mannersmatter.org or 881-8755.

Akermann’s Summerville program includes students in grades 5–7. In addition to an emphasis on American and Continental-style table manners, Akermann says her students learn introductions, proper posture, how to write thank-you notes, formal dancing and more. The program takes place during the school year, but an intensive program is planned for the summer months. For details, contact Akermann at 763-7780 or via email at contact@southernprotocol.com. *

Chris Worthy is a wife, mom and wearer of a few other hats. Visit her online at www.chrisworthy.com.