In an ever-changing world, it often seems to be more and more difficult to protect our children.

Most of us have not-so-fond memories of seeing another child being bullied as children or, worse, being bullied ourselves. We certainly don’t want our children to experience it, but research shows they likely will at some point during their time in school.

Educators, experts and the media are paying attention and attempting to solve a complicated issue that spans the globe. Earlier this year, the story of Phoebe Prince, a teen in South Hadley, Mass., made national headlines and became a symbol of high school bullying. Phoebe, who had moved from Ireland to the United States in the fall of 2009, committed suicide Jan. 14 after months of constant bullying from her classmates.

“I think in today’s climate with everything that we’re seeing, and certainly kids that end up suicidal because they feel like they’ve been bullied, it is a serious problem,” says Dr. Katherine Graber of Coastal Adolescent Behavioral Health in Mount Pleasant.

Graber says the difference between teasing and bullying is distinct. Antagonistic treatment is considered bullying when one aims to hurt another in some way.

“It’s not just one comment. It’s more constant and trying to put this person down and doing it in various different ways. Usually it’s done in front of a crowd or with witnesses around.”

Teasing is usually more of a mischievous irritation or simply good-natured kidding.

According to a 2006 survey of students in Charleston County schools, 83.9 percent said they have witnessed bullying at school, and 41.4 percent reported being bullied.

“If you’re different, you’re a target,” says Bob Stevens, director of prevention and intervention for Charleston County School District.

This year, teachers in Charleston county schools will receive more training in how to handle bullying in their schools. The district has used a number of tactics to combat bullying, including “Steps to Respect” and “Second Steps,” both geared toward preventing violence in schools.

Stevens directs a behavior-management program in most elementary and middle schools in the district called Policy Behavior Interventions or PBIS, which includes a bullying curriculum as well. Stevens says in order for a curriculum to be effective it must be referred to constantly.

“We can have a five-day class at the beginning of the year about bullying. That’s wonderful. And while that class is going on nobody gets bullied, but a month later you may have it happen.”

Conway Saylor, a professor of psychology at the Citadel, is researching bullying in Charleston-area middle schools. She has studied bullying and its effects for numerous years.

She’s currently the project director of the Bold Responses Project, financed by a grant from the Developmental Disabilities Council of the S.C. Governor’s Office. The program is trying to reduce bullying’s impact by developing bullying-prevention resources for youth with special needs as well as help for children who have been bullied.

“One thing our research has shown, with children with and without special needs is that … parents are not aware how much their students are witnessing, how much their students are targeted and especially how much their students are participating as bullies. One piece of the puzzle for us is that parents do need to be more aware.”

All of the schools she’s worked with throughout the tri-county area care about students and strive to create safe environments.

“But it is such a formidable multi-faceted problem that its overwhelming to try and tackle it. And schools are already really, really underresourced … so to say you should also do an all-points initiative to reduce bullying is to ask a lot of a system that’s already way beyond taxed.”

But bullying is a complicated issue and one Saylor and Charleston-area educators take seriously.

“There is overwhelming evidence that bullying is disruptive in every way you can think of for kids. It disrupts academic performance and ability to concentrate in school. It has been linked to school absences, to depression to dropping out of school – to becoming a bully yourself.”

The many faces of bullying

Concrete data about whether bullying has increased isn’t available, but Saylor says educators have gotten better at defining it in recent years. There are different types, including verbal, physical, ostracizing and cyberbullying.

Both Graber and Saylor say physical bullying is detected more often because it’s more obvious, but another, more serious type of bullying called ostracizing is being completely ignored.

“If you choreograph all seventh-grade girls in your lunch group to ignore one person as though she’s not there, you can do a lot of harm in a hurry,” Saylor says.

And some evidence indicates that being ostracized is more psychologically damaging, particularly for middle-schoolers, because peer acceptance is so important developmentally at that age.

“Even if they hag you to torment [it’s better than being ignored because] there’s some acknowledgement that you exist or that you’re worth giving that attention to – even if it’s negative attention.”

Cyberbullying has become serious. It isn’t face-to-face. It’s anonymous and it travels fast. Saylor says the Internet isn’t the place to give children privacy.

“You don’t need to wonder. You need to look. This is a really good conversation point to have before children even start using the Internet.”


It takes a village

It’s natural for kids to test out grouping– who’s friends with whom and who’s more powerful. It’s also normal to see mild forms of aggression between friends, Saylor says. But in a situation of true bullying, intervention is key to preventing and stopping it.

“There are a lot of people, and I’ve talked to a lot of people – parents, guidance counselors, etc. – who say, ‘Well this is a normal part of growing up and this builds character and we should just stay out of it and let the kids work it out.’ There is absolutely evidence to support that that is a good idea.”

There’s even a negative impact on children who witness bullying. They wonder if they could’ve helped or fear becoming a target of bullying if they get involved. Everyone who is a player in the school and family system needs to be a part of solving it.

“I don’t want to oversimplify it,” Saylor says. “If it was simple to solve, we’d have solved it. It is a very complicated problem because we can’t see what goes on at all times between children and the fact is the one thing you need for bullying prevention to be effective is for students to be willing and able to report it.”


How parents can help

One part of the solution is to start talking to children about bullying at an early age. Talk with your kids about how to treat one another and discuss how they are treated. Always talk about what happens in school because sometimes even the best of kids will find themselves involved in bullying at some point in their lives.

“If you interviewed 100 honor students who have become good, contributing citizens today, I suspect a goodly number of them could tell you about some time in elementary school they sort of participated in something they’re kind of ashamed of now or witnessed something and didn’t do anything about it,” Saylor says.

“And so the parents talking to the kids about it and giving them some perspective, some ideas and in the case of solvable things, being part of the solution, I think is really important. It’s an important piece.”