Robert Bocknek and his wife Christine are currently raising four teenagers – one girl and three boys.

Having four teens in a blended family household, he says, can be very trying. But there is hope, and it is possible for families to survive raging hormones by getting back to basics.

Like many of today’s parents of teens, Robert says time were simpler when he was growing up.

“America was kind of easy.”

Today’s children, however, have different pressures.

“Now these kids are faced with stuff we never dealt with at their age. It’s much harder for them.”

He always tries to keep them focused on constructive things so they can have long and successful lives.

Bocknek, who is a psychologist and the creator of the “take back the home project,” says puberty is different for boys and girls. He believes for boys, puberty is more hormonal and for girls it’s more emotional.

“It’s more of a “psychological onslaught” of insecurities – a need to be perceived as being OK.”

Teaching children positive messages and creating the mentality of a simpler time is vital, especially in this modern-day society.

Body Image

“We all have insecurities, usually well into adulthood,” Bocknek says.

Dr. Jennifer Heinemann, OB-GYN at LowCountry Women’s Specialists, agrees.

“I think people – teenage girls especially – have a distorted image of what normal is because of TV and Britney Spears … They think average isn’t beautiful, although it really is.”

It’s more important than ever in today’s society that parents reinforce a positive body image with children. Heinemann suggests turning the issue around and using the media to start conversations that reinforce real life. Filter what kids watch on TV, but also use it to spark discussion about what is real and what isn’t.

“Encourage children by reminding them that everybody’s beautiful on the inside and out – and you’re only as pretty as you think you are. So if you feel good about yourself and you love yourself on the inside, then you’re going to love yourself on the outside, too, and it’s going to show.”

Puberty

Dr. Remberto Paulo, pediatric endocrinologist at the Medical University of South Carolina, says it’s tricky to pinpoint the average age at which puberty actually starts. Doctors currently use age as the main criteria to determine whether they should do further testing.

“We’re usually sensitive to which ones we should work up or which ones really have medical problems.”

The age of puberty is getting earlier and earlier, and some doctors theorize it is because of hormones in the food we eat, Paulo says. The average age for boys is 9, but they can start earlier and still be normal.

While the average age for girls to begin puberty is 8, he says some endocrinologists have considered lowering it to 7 to ensure they don’t miss any patients with medical problems that have caused them to develop early.

In terms of physical composition, prior to puberty boys and girls are the same except for their genitalia, he says.

Puberty in girls starts with breast development. They then grow pubic hair, have a growth spurt, and start their periods.

In boys, the first sign is testicular and penal enlargement, then they grow pubic hair and their voice pitch changes. Growth spurts are common during this time as well.

For boys, ejaculation is the counterpart of menstruation.

“That’s when they say they’re truly fully grown,” Paulo says.

Heinemann says puberty puts more pressure on girls than boys because a lot of girls’ puberty is shown on the outside, while most changes boys experience are things that can’t be seen, such as voice changes.

“With girls, it’s breast development and someone’s breasts develop sooner than theirs. It’s a lot more obvious to other people and I think that makes it harder.”

But boys also compare themselves and their bodies to others, Paulo says.

“Some boys will be late bloomers and some early maturers, so obviously the late bloomers will be a lot shorter, a lot smaller. They’ll be talked down to and regarded as kids, as opposed to boys who develop early. [Early maturers] are the ones who usually get drafted in sports and looked up to – literally and figuratively – because they’re taller … more self-assured and secure.”

It also depends on the activities in which the boy is involved. For example, athletes such as wrestlers have to stay within weight categories, which can be difficult, Paulo says.

Raging hormones

“I hate to use that as an excuse. The phrase ‘hormones raging’ is actually medically true,” Heinemann says. “There is a surge of hormones, estrogen and progesterone that the child has never felt before.”

Emotions run high during puberty – and hormones cause most of them, she says.

She says to bear with teens; they don’t know how to handle their emotions because this is new to them.

“Unfortunately it’s just a part of teenage years.”

She likens a child prior to puberty to a menopausal female, with very low hormones; during puberty, hormone levels shoot up, not unlike a woman who is pregnant.

“A girl going through puberty is going to be getting the same thing,” Heinemann says.

Boys have a surge of hormones as well, and Bocknek says for most of them it’s less emotional and more physical.

“How to turn that energy into a positive thing is really the whole game. They’re trying to figure out … how to deal with that sexual energy.”

Boys are also usually trained to be aggressive, he says, which is good because it teaches them how to compete in the world.

Having a good male role model can help boys channel their male energy – someone who can “reign them in but making them still feel good about being guys,” Bocknek says.

Paulo cautions parents about blaming hormones for significant behavioral issues in teens.

“Most adolescents are successful in school, they get along well with their parents, have beautiful relationships with their contemporaries. They’re not substance abusers, and most of them become productive members of society as adults.” *